tell your sister to shave her snatch
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
