There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
God, I missed his penis.
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