if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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