did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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