Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
