worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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