Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
