It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
