If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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