Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
