Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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