awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He has the fingertips of a God
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize