nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
