Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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