Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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