Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
