If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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