You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
