i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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