first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
