Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
