He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
