I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
