could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
