Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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