Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
