i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
