When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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