He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
