You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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