I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
