I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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