Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
