KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
