ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
