My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
