Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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