There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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