They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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