she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
