Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
