I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize