That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
