tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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