I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Holy sore nipples Batman
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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