I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize