I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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