Define "chronic" masturbator.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
