I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
