I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
