I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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