i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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