At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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