We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
