I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
