I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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