Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
