i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
