She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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