I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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