I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
well you can't waste a boner
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't deserve a penis
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
