youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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