I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
