You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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