Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
