Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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