is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
