WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
