I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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