My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
