Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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